How To Make a Balti-S’more, Hon!
Megan | Aug 10, 2017 | 10:00AM |

Today is National S’mores Day, which, apart from the 4th of July, is just about the most American holiday of all time. But when you think about it, S’mores are not actually very reflective of the modern American love affair with diabetes…I mean, graham crackers? That’s what you give your kids if you want to trick them into eating a food that’s healthier than cookies. To be fair, the treat was invented in the 1920s, but it’s 2016 now! Where are the trans fats? Where is the slow-death joy?

Fortunately for the entire universe, I happen to be in good ol’ Baltimore, USA this week, which is when I had the brilliant (albeit good-kind-of-disgusting) idea to solve all our problems! That’s right, I have invented THE BALTI-S’MORE, HON.


“What is a Balti-S’more, Megan?”

A Balti-S’more is a S’more on steroids ‘n Hairspray. It ditches those bitch-ass graham crackers and sliver o’ Hershey’s chocolate, replacing them with nothing but artery-clogging Berger Cookies to house that toasted marshmallow. (So simple! So deadly! So John Waters-approved!)

If you’ve never had a Berger Cookie, congratulations, because you stand to outlive all the rest of us! But I’d rather die fast ‘n hard at the hands of thick AF chocolate fudge and shortbread than maintain my health indefinitely.

And here is the Balti-S’more construction process in ultra-convenient GIF format: