Pretty Little Liars, “Cat’s Cradle”: A Sort-Of Recap
Megan | Jun 27, 2013 | 10:15AM |

I realize there’s a thriving community of PLL fanatics out there, but unfortunately I don’t belong to it. My friends Alex and Molly, however, definitely, DEFINITELY do; they watch every episode religiously, and so I will be asking them to help hash out our next-day feels with some sort-of recaps. (Today is a SLIGHT exception, because Alex got slammed at work, so we will be joined by a party of Molly.)

“What’s a sort-of recap, Megan?” A sort-of recap is one that’s more like a group discussion, and that’s a little less blatant with spoilers; in other words, if you missed the episode, you can still scope the sort-of recap without feeling like you’re going to be read the entire plot, largely because I am the one directing the conversation and I have absolutely no idea what the eff is going on. Here is what I mean:

What is a “cuddle bone”? Remember when they’re all like, “Whoa, weird, what is this creepy mask,” and Spencer is all, “THAT AIN’T NO CUDDLE BONE.”?

Let me tell you! A cuddle bone is not actually a bone or even cuddle-y for that matter. Instead, it’s the internal shell of the Cuttlefish, a small, squid-like cephalopod. The most widely recognized use of the “cuttlebone” is as a supplement and exercise toy for birds (especially their jaws and beaks)! Fascinating right?! The cuttlebone is a lightweight, oblong, chalky object that is mainly composed of calcium, which makes it an ideal way to supplement a bird’s calcium intake. Cuttlebones have a grainy texture, reminiscent of pumice, that can be helpful in wearing down overgrown beaks.

I definitely don’t think it’s just a coincidence that we are seeing a bird reference last night due to the subject matter of the previous episode. Also, I think it’s important to note that we’re definitely seeing the “old” Spencer returning. The mask definitely “ain’t no cuddle bone”, in fact it’s nothing close to a cuddle bone, and only Spencer would know that. And Wikipedia and Yahoo Answers.

Oh my god, Molly, SO SMART! Also, internet-raise your hand if you think Toby is SO ANNOYING.

Where do you think Mona was the whole episode? She’s definitely doing something scary, right?

I don’t know!! I can’t even begin to imagine. Maybe in reality Janel Parrish was meeting with Lifetime on the possibility of filming a Triple Dog 2, but regardless of the REAL reason, we know the PLL writers will make it something crazy. I’m just really hoping she’s not helping A. I’m rooting for Mona!!!

THAT MAKES ONE OF US! Okay, speaking of scary, nighttime continues to be the preferred time of action for reasons that I have yet to understand. Like, “Cool, let’s go to a creepy mask-maker’s workshop in the middle of nowhere in the dark!”

It’s like no one in Rosewood takes the PSA: “It’s 10PM…Do you know where your children are??” seriously, which they should. And I know Pennsylvania has rural areas but it seems like everywhere they go is in the woods with a super creepy recluse running the place and then they always later return as like a janitor or Radley employee. By the way…isn’t it weird it’s called the Radley Sanitarium…

Yes, yes it is. PS I feel like they really had to announce who those masks looked like, because to me they just looked scary and not at all like the people they were supposed to. Like how was that second one Melissa.

And Melissa got the bootleg version. Hers wasn’t even painted with makeup or anything. Maybe that’s the root of all Melissa’s evil tendencies. JUST KIDDING! But actually…who knows at this point, so I take back the kidding there.

What do you think that guy is going to with Emily’s face mold in real life? I bet he’s going to use it for something cuh-ray-zay. Also, why was she so violated about that? I get that it’s an unpleasant experience, but like, “Hi, let me spend hours in front of the mirror dramatically picking plaster out of my hair!”

Emily face mold hopefully will be of the face she’s making ALWAYS when something happens. It’s like a mixture of strain and confusion. Like “why is this happening” mixed with “oh my god this is happening” but there is never really any other reaction other than that look. But what that mask definitely needs to do is come back and haunt the liars. AND PAIGE! Ew Paige…thank god she wasn’t apart of “Cats Cradle” because there need to be more Paige hiatuses. Maybe Janel’s was able to get her an appearance in Triple Dog 2?

Yeah, Paige needs to go away. ALSO, the child services plot twist is HILARIOUS, no? Like how old are these people right now? Seventeen or eighteen? Do people actually still call child services on seventeen-year-olds, and if Emily gets taken away, WILL SHE GO TO A FOSTER HOME?! WILL A ADOPT HER?!

Emily’s look again!!! Did you see it?!?!

So this is a good segue into A’s new motive, which is to get rid of all the parents!!!! As mentioned previously though, the parents are already pretty MIA and don’t really care what their children do, but whatever.

Exactly! The parents are all virtually absent 90% of the time! But also, remember when that new cop guy was the same guy in that movie Sleepover that’s supposed to be the modern-day Jake Ryan? Am I the only person who watched that movie?

How I did not know this is a huge disappointment. I remember that movie because it inspired me to try and learn how to skateboard. For some reason all the cops in Rosewood can’t be trusted so I think it’s safe to say he’s going to end up being a huge sketchball.

Agree. And Hanna’s mom obviously didn’t kill Wilden because there’s too much evidence and that would be boring. So who DID kill him, do you think? Any new developments?

I wonder if it was Hanna’s dad. The whole gun missing thing seems a little strange and how he was quick to tell Caleb about the shady exchange he had with Hanna’s mom. But that might be too obvious as well. Where’s Jenna? Maybe she and that swimmer chick Shana had something to do with it when they “rescued” him after Hanna’s mom hit him with her car?? Actually, I think it’s safe to assume that Dr. Sullivan did it because HOLY SHITTTTT THAT WOULD BE SO RANDOM AND CRAzzZZzzyYYyy!!!!

SO TRUE! PS, why was Hanna’s mom hanging out in the bathroom with the bathwater running? Is she going to kill herself? Is she hiding from Hanna? Is she washing her shoes? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

I think a suicide like that would be too #dark for PLL. She probably just didn’t want to talk to Hanna because Hanna would accuse her of murder again and she’s sick of it. She’s like all “Back up off me biotch! Quit rummaging through my trash and asking me about New York City! I was indoors all day 24-7. They didn’t even let us leave the boardroom. EVER! Not even to get food! Not that we eat food on PLL though. But we did get to leave the office ONE time for a single event. It was a Broadway play…so NYC! But I couldn’t go because…I was….sick….ya”

I know, she better get better at lying. Also, LOL at Aria for being jealous of her mom’s love life. I also find Aria’s new boyfriend to be good-looking, but also mildly off-putting. Thoughts?

Ya that was kind of weird. Aria was watching her mom make out with her barista boyfriend and the whole thing just felt uncomfortable to look at. But I do agree about her new boyfriend definitely good looking, but he also is kind of creepy. Maybe it’s because of his profession in martial arts and combat, but I just don’t get why he seems so serious alllllll the time. Why so serious?? Why you gotta be like that?!? Can’t we just enjoy the black and white film and be happy??! No? Okay weirdo.

That’s what I’m sayin’. Finally, can we all agree that Spencer’s sister sucks.

Remember when she takes Aria’s ice cream…..

“You gonna eat the rest of that?? MmMMMmmMMMMmm”

I do. I do remember that. Okay, that’s all for this week, THANKS MOLLY! Maybe next week Alex’s employers will not force him to complete such back-breaking labor that prevents the watching of PLL. (Maybe.)