If you recall, we covered the NYC Chocolate Show not too long ago. And if you ALSO recall, I ate so much chocolate there that I died. So it would only make sense that I would recall that experience, learn from it, and NOT die twice, right? WRONG. Because I definitely experienced death by chocolate for the second time at the Chocolate World Expo this past Sunday as a result of cramming eight hundred thousand delicious things in my face.
The Expo was held at the Lexington Armory, which was also (ironically) home to the 2012 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show; I say “ironically” because I was about to gain another person in terms of body mass. Apart from the lighting, which was kind of a weird, fluorescent yellow-green that wasn’t especially flattering, the space was really great; you could walk around with plenty of room, which was the total opposite at the NYC Chocolate Show (held in the Altman Building), where it was claustrophobia city. The extra space also facilitated my impending weight gain, which came in the form of chocolate-covered EVERYTHING. And when I say EVERYTHING, I mean EV.ERY.THING. Chocolate-covered Twinkies? Yes. Chocolate-covered pickles? Uh-huh. Chocolate-covered alcohol? YOU BET. (Our photographer Molly likened it to that All That sketch, featuring Kenan Thompson and whats-her-face cooking with (and eating) truckloads of chocolate.)
So what exactly did we eat, then? Well, apart from ALL THE THINGS, we started off our day with a square cookie (called a Sqookie) from Custo Cookie, which I appreciated, because the more Tetris-esque my snacks are, the more efficiently I’m able to overeat! They had basically every flavor imaginable, which is kind of the idea; you can go online and pick a base dough to fill with mix-ins, and then they’ll send you the end result.
We also tried some absurdly delicious rum cakes and macaroons from Goodway, which, despite not being chocolatey (they had a chocolate option but we didn’t try it) were THE BOMB DOT COM. Some lady behind us was like, “I hate macaroons,” to which Molly and I replied, “Well WE hate YOU,” and then started a chocolate-fueled dance rumble inside the Lexington Armory. (Not really, but it would have been cool to burn off the excess sugar in such a tough, musical way.) Long story short, you should probably eat these at some point in the near future, because they are mind-blowingly good.
Another of our favorite stops was the booze-infused fudge booth, aptly named Buzz Fudge. “Would you like to try the Jack Daniels flavor? Jagermeister?” the guy asked, to which we responded, “YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES.” It was so delicious and booze-filled that I can’t even really describe it to you properly. We also tried some non-boozy varieties (at least I THINK they were non-boozy) that were equally amazing, so if you’re in the market for fudge, definitely do it up the Buzz Fudge way.
And while I really wanted to like the chocolate-covered bacon from Bacon Bites, the texture just wasn’t my jam; I think if they crisped it up a little more and THEN dipped it, or maybe if they sliced it thinner…I don’t know, I’m not a bacon expert, but that one wasn’t for me. Also not for me (but maybe for cotton candy fans) was the maple-flavored cotton candy; it looked nice and smelled nice, but I just wasn’t into it. (This also could’ve been because it was one of our final stops, and I was two bites away from explosion.)
Apart from the chocolate-covered situations, we also tried plenty of non-chocolatey things, including beer, pickles, cheeses and a variety of condiments. Of those non-chocolatey things, the pretzels-and-beer flavored marshmallows from MitchMallows were surprisingly amazing; I would highly recommend testing those out if you’re able. We were also big fans of the pickles at Pickle Licious; I especially liked the kimchi, and while we didn’t actually taste a chocolate-covered pickle, Molly bought one for her cousin, so we’ll soon find out if it’s worth the hype. And then there was Palatine Valley Dairy, where we spent unhealthy amounts of time cramming fresh cheese curds into our faces, because they were fantastically delicious (and free.) Speaking of dairy, Hudson Valley Fresh had a booth, which was yet another reason the Expo kicked the teeth out of the Show (where we noted that the lack of milk was detrimental to our overall enjoyment); here we got to try lots of delicious varieties of milk and yogurt, which helped to balance out all the chocolate (and/or the giant bite of ghost pepper salsa Molly accidentally ate and immediately regretted.) A+, guys. A+.
There was also a Beatles tribute band set to play, but after an hour and a half of nonstop sampling, we both felt like death was imminent and decided it was time to leave. With my blood sugar levels through the roof, I felt weird and paranoid on my walk to Union Square; I swear small children were hovering around me like vultures, sensing that I was some sort of chocolate-filled human piñata. Regardless, this was a GREAT event, and much better (in my opinion) than the Chocolate Show was. If you get the chance to go next year, DEFINITELY DO IT. (And let’s hope that by then I’ve learned to control myself a little better, and/or not die.)